Hole

Have been keeping myself busy for quite a while. Trying to build up my own online business and pushing myself towards many ends. Such as getting myself to know Christian missionary to learn about religion, teaching an mid-aged business women English to relearn English, and so on. In term of business, after many pushing and trying, finally my business is growing explosively last weekends when I received requests from few resellers. However, at the time, I failed to keep up with the speed and lost track of my records. I was lost.

During my lost period, I did my own accounting. Start a habit to write my account book by using freeware. To retrace my spending and earning. Then, I used Microsoft Word to make a new order request list, payment list, order form, etc for deal management. After spending hours and days in front of my computer, I success to reorganize my deal as well as myself. But, I am still lost.

In business world, my desire of earning is growing bigger. Even though I started with slogan as Fast, Cheap, Transparent and able to maintain it till this day. By spending hours and earning little, my living and physical body starts complaining. By facing the greedy and demanding customers, my poor soul is tired and corrupted. Customers' innocent mind and ridiculous demand makes me cry. Even the most reasonable and considerable customers, they would demand for something from time to time.

This business keeping my world small by consuming most of my time and limiting my activity such as reading. In the contrast, it enlarging my view by letting me to know more about trends, laws, people, international trade system, copy-right issues, etc. Never do I realize how serious is the authentic and fake items issues till I start my Jeans Business. 99% of jeans are fake even in Japan.

In my initial objective, this business is created to build my experience in this business world. If possible, make the system free from my ruling and act independently in order to increase my passive income. First objective is a success, second is not yet known as there is still much to be done.


However, during my lost, I start to doubt. In my deepest heart, I know the end of my road. What I trying to accomplish now is to finance me in the future when I start involving myself in Educational Field. I love children and education from the beginning and this love would never fade. Not that I like our Malaysia Education System or Japan's one. Both are examples of failure in my eyes. There is much to be done, more to be improved. There is more than thousands method I would like to experiment in new education. But the question is how?

Today, my doubt is shall I start the education revolution now or after I able to survive independently from my parents, support my family, and finance my new education system. In my opinion, education should be free and active. It should be equal as everyone in the community should be able to receive this new education. It should involve not only children but adults as well. Various course shall be designed specially, some categorized by ages, some by level of knowledge, and so on. The Learning Annex (US company) has one of my ideal education system for working groups. It is one of the system I would like to bring it into Malaysia. There is just so much to be done, I cannot be able to do this alone. Hence, I need training ground for new educators and revolutionist as well. All this and that ideas facing a same problem. Money.

In education, passion is an essential elements. Nothing can start without passion. However, passion of a single person is limited. Hence, people is needed as the force to spread passion. However, passion and ideas of each person is different and most the time, its good intention is twisted as it travels far from the source. Hence, system is introduced to keep the variation small and make sure the 100th person learn the same thing as what the 1st person learned. However, this whole process is slow if there is no money as catalyst. Money shall be used to maintain the system and help spreading it.

My current online business has no problem in any senses but it lacks of purpose and that's why I am lost. At first, I aim to use this business to improve the international trading between small resellers of Japan and Malaysia. And help any individuals who wish to purchase Japan product directly instead of paying Malaysian middleman who usually charges twice or triplet of original price (I feel it is ridiculous for sky rocketing price, and unreasonable to bear with) However, during this lost, my original purpose was shook. It makes me feel meaningless as I personally support the idea of buying local products after learned Japan economic history and their method to push their country into one of the strongest nation. Plus, dealing with purposeless resellers or so-called profit hunters make me sick. I import the items cheaply for them but they sell it expensively. It goes against my first principle as I intended to ease the burden of Malaysian buyers. For example, total cost of a product is RM 82, my earning is RM 8, the reseller sell it for RM 140 ++. And the funniest thing is, he would demand for cutting cost, discount, faster delivery, etc while he personally delaying my payment, never giving me a feedback or comments in my websites (although been requested politely for twice) , not allow me to publish the contents of his purchase (publishing what a service provider is selling is common in that forum). These behaviors disgusted me. Haiz, what a world.

But what shall I do? Even if I stop this business and start another one, people would go to my system loopholes and exploits it as it is how human behaving (It is like solving a math question, people tends to find their own way to get the answer) If I don't start one, there is no income in order to be financially independence. And, my younger brother would be attending Univerisity next year. If I work, time-consumed for working is equals to having a business for yourself, and part-time hardly teach a thing. The most you learned from part-time is the mechanism of how a society functions. If I don't think and solve this method, I just evade the question I should face one day.

So...